


Return

by Quandisa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: 2 Versions, Cheating, Courtship, Cuddles, F/F, Fluff, Roommates, boobs, pussy, sexy Reenie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-03-30 01:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19032103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quandisa/pseuds/Quandisa
Summary: Zareen has returned home after a summer in Paris working along side her ex-boyfriend for his mother's law firm. But someone's missing from the welcome home party. Where, oh, where is that rouge girlfriend of her's.





	1. Short and Sweet

The plane landed without any problem. Not that you could tell the personal assistant that had flooded her phone with dozens of messages during the ten hour flight where phone usage was forbidden. There was only one thing that was on the blonde’s mind after a summer in France working for her mother’s cousin law firm, by her tall, muscular ex-boyfriend’s side.

“Welcome home, Zareen!” Pearl rushed forward and crushed her in a torrid of absurd worries about the flight, the bags, the weather, and anything else one could image with twelve cups of tea and forty years of sexual frustration. The river of passengers made looking around confusing. There plenty brunettes but none belonged to the nerd she’d tormented via text all summer.

Pearl was now going into her mother’s excuses for not being there to pick her up as they walked to the car. Some goon would pick up all her bags. Somehow the trip took more bags each year. But maybe it was also the amount of dinners and cocktail parties she had to attend.

“-and we’ll need to get you tested for tuberculous. But first the party! Oh! I’m just relieved you’re home and safe! I hear France has a wolf problem this time of year-” the rest was drowned out. It was just the normal speech she got every year since she turned eighteen and could take the trip alone.

Instead, she went to her phone and scanned all the messages. Nothing new from her roommate. But there’s a chance that she waiting at the welcome home party with some cute little gift that she bad. Or some flowers. She’d be waiting against some wall, overwhelmed by the crowd gathered around the prodigal daughter. So they’d have to wait until people started to drift off. Then she’d go over to the blushing former virgin and egg her until she finally got mad enough shove the crudely made gift in her arms. Whatever it will be kept from the nosy eyes of her mother, and mother-wanna be. Only her roommate could get her things that money can’t buy.

And then… well, Zareen would need some help getting her things unpacked, and then it would be rude to send the poor girl home so late…

“Zareen! Did you hear me? What are you doing with that thing?”

“I was telling Auntie Hope and Maj that I arrived safely and you’re taking me home. Here, wanna take a picture with me?” She scoot in closer, gave the camera a duck face and snapped the picture with Pearl’s protests, sending it to her missing friend.

“I don’t need to be a meshuga photo.” Now her dress, and pearl necklace had to be fixed. “But I am glad you’re being a responsible, and courteous guest. It’s a single of class you know. How is France?”

“Aw, Pearl, you don’t want to hear about how Auntie Hope, Maj, and your sister are doing?”

“Don’t start with  _ me _ about my sister! Why just the other day she told me that you needed to salt the pasta water with sea flakes! Sea flakes! Everyone knows you use Kosher after you pour it off! I tell you-” Thus she went into the familiar rant about her soft minded sister who stand in France and served Hope. It lasted a good half of the ride home.

The manor was always kept spotless and bright, the use of stone work have the place a cold air. There were a few friends from schools and a couple of her mother’s business partners that felt more like perverted uncles than strangers. Even Pops gave her a good rousing, and a warm welcome back before working on his flask. He would have stayed sober expect he was forbidden to attend parties without his wife, according to his wife anyway.

All the walls were closely inspected, but no flowers were to be found. The party was a smash, even her mother had an extra class of champagne, and patted her daughter’s back before informing her that she only had three weeks to get her car inspected before school started up again. 

It was so touching she briefly wondered if it was the effect of the champagne. As was the custom, she was sent up to bed early with the hopes sleeping off the jet lag would sharpen her memories of the little house outside Paris.

But sleeping wasn’t really what was on Zareen’s mind. A feign yawn sent Pearl away, probably to Ms. Diamond’s office to report on the trip home. Her first moment alone, and she whipped out her phone.

“Where the hell are you? You were suppose to be waiting at the airport in a leather jacket, no shirt and a motorcycle! I purposely didn’t wear panties!”

“Shut up! I-I did go to the airport. Pearl informed me there was a party waiting for you, so I didn’t want to impose.”

“Nosey, smelly Pearl. She checked on me a hundred times during my first night back when it was my first solo. Pft, solo. Mother was there for half of it.”

“Are you going to sleep, or are you just going complain about your folks?” sighed her girlfriend. “I’m getting eaten alive out here.”

“Are you hiding in your backyard again?” Zareen pulled back her curtains to look over the manicured lawns.

“Um, kinda.” It looked like something near the rose bushes was moving.

“Where are you? You’re not in some bookstore peaking around the corner at the dime paperbacks are you?” She scrutinized the shadows.   

“No. Look it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you’re home in one piece, and Pearl’s going to get you tested for all the exotic whore diseases.”

Something was down there, she was pretty sure.

“Or you could play doctor and test me yourself.” 

“Sounds like you’re fully recovered. Look, it’s late. I should let you go. We can talk-whenever Pearl lets you go.”

“Hey Zandy?”

“What?”

“Wanna see my boobs?” She lifted her shirt and pressed her bra to the glass.”

“Oh my God! Cover yourself!” 

“Ah ha! I knew it! You peeking Tamsina! Hold up! I’ll get the ladder!” She rushed to her walk in closet.

“You have a ladder? I can guess as to why, but how do you hide it?”

It was a little awkward, shouldering the flat phone while carrying the ladder.

“Zandy, Zandy,” she tsked. “Hiding things is dishonest. I just tell I need it to get things on the top shelf of my closet. We used to have a trellis, but Pearl planted her climbing roses. Probably to protect my maiden head or something.” With a grunt she leveled it down, and secured the top to her window sill. “Hurry up and behead me or something.”

“As if. You were a headless beast long before I met you.” She walked forward into the silver moonlight, her hair cropped short in back, but a frazzled mess in front that often hid half her face. By her side, a petite gift bag. 

“Envolez-vous vers moi, ma petite chouette, afin que nous puissions faire une bête à deux dos!”

“Hush! I’m trying not to break my neck or get caught! How am I going to explain me being here?!”

“You’re the plumber. I often have plumbers come in the middle of the night to snake my drain.”

“And yet it’s always leaking!”

“I’m part slug, I spend so much time in you I turned into a creature of dampness.”

“I’m leaving.” Zandy started back the five rungs she’d braved.

“Wait! Wait! I’ll be good! I’m sorry! Besides, you can’t go home this late. If you’re going to stay somewhere, might as well be here. No odd charges on the credit card.”

“Fine, then I get rid of your stupid gift.” The journey upward resumed.

“Is it cute?”

“No.”

“Does it have blue eyes?”

“No.”

“Is it wearing-?”

“I’m not here for a booty call!”

Zareen pouted, then helped her roommate over the top of the ladder. While Zandy got her land legs back, the ladder was returned to its resting place. Once she double checked the lock on her door, Zareen threw her arms around the brunette and kissed her, after a moment’s hesitation it was returned in kind.

“My favorite kind of welcome. In the night and private. It was so hard knowing you were working in some awful little practice not even having the decently to polish your bean. You’re helpless without me. Next year, you’re coming to France with me.”

The feel of a familiar form, warm under clothes but chilled skin gave her life. 

“I’m not doing that. I need to work or go to school. I don’t have money-”

“Screw the money! I want you!” 

“I’m not going to be your-your!”

“Girlfriend?”

“Concubine!”

“Woah!” Hug time was over. “Since when have I ever made you do something sexual you didn’t want to?”

“Well, never but-?”

“But what?!”

“But-!” The brunette rubbed her nose. “It’s like a big gift! You know I don’t feel comfortable accepting!”

“Why do poor people worry about stuff so much?!”

“You just don’t get it,” sighed Zandy. “Here. You’re welcome home gift.” The parrot shade bag was held up.

“You gonna want sex after?” scoffed Zareen.

“What?! Where did-?!”

“Or,” the traveler swung around her post to fall into bed, “should I raid my shoe collection to find something of similar value to give to you. Really, you’re the rude one. I just got back and now I have to give you something. Honestly, you’re being unreasonable. Who raised you?”

Zandy stood in stunned, and slightly enraged silence, deducing. 

“You think it’s unreasonable that I feel uncomfortable accepting elaborate gifts.”

“No, I thinks it’s ridiculous that you can’t accept the idea that I enjoy giving you gifts. I’m like your fairy bi-mother who gets some from time to time while saving you from a dreadfully straight life.”

“Mother? Is that why I have to pick up your underwear off my bed?” She walked over and sat on the bed, passing over the bag.

“No, I’m just hoping you’ll get the hint I’m not wearing them.” She dug through the tissue paper.

“How can I get in your underwear if you’re wearing it,” muttered Zandy.

“You put them on and wear a slutty outfit for when I come home.”

“So basically you want me to wear your clothes to find out if they will fit you if you get fat.”

“That, and it’s sexy.”  Out of the bag came an empty picture frame that someone had hot-glued plastic gems of varies bright shades. “Where’s the nude?” She flipped it over looking for the lewd photo.

“There’s no picture!” Zandy took a breath. “I figured you took lots of pictures in France, it would have been better if I could have afforded one of those digital ones, but the internship didn’t pay as much as I wanted. But, this way you get to pick your favorite and not have to worry about batteries,” she finished weakly.

“Mm, wasn’t able to take my favorite.”

“Bad weather?”

“No, the best sight was hiding in her dad’s friend’s office in horrible polyester pants.” 

“Bull shit.”

“Dirty talk! Bed time!” Hopping up, Zareen fell on her pillows. “ You come up here. There’s more pillows, I’m just going rest my eyes, but I tot-” she yawned, “-tally wouldn't fall asleep on you.”

“No stuff!”

“You can stuff your own box. Can I watch?”

Zandy rolled over to the middle of the  bed.

“Tell me about France.”

“Oh, lets see, first of all when I got off the airplane…”

With colorful language, Zareen walked Zandy through the streets of France and the perfumed country of lavender fields. She was describing the drunk bees when she finally succumb to her jetlag. Zandy let her nap for a bit, then shook her awake long enough to get her to take out her contacts, then go back to snoring in Zandy’s lap. 

Use to little siblings using her as a bed, the leaned back and tried to straighten the silky gold hair that was stiff with product, until she too slept ‘til morn.


	2. Green and Yellow parté 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back from Paris someone is missing. Detective Reenie takes on the case! But this case might be too close to home.

The plane landed without any problem. Not that you could tell the personal assistant that had flooded her phone with dozens of messages during the ten hour flight where phone usage was forbidden. There was only one thing that was on the blonde’s mind after a summer in France working for her mother’s cousin law firm, by her tall, muscular ex-boyfriend’s side.

“Welcome home, Zareen!” Pearl rushed forward and crushed her in a torett of absurd worries about the flight, the bags, the weather, and anything else one could image with twelve cups of tea and forty years of sexual frustration. The river of passengers made looking around confusing. There plenty brunettes but none belonged to the nerd she’d tormented via text all summer.

Pearl was now going into her mother’s excuses for not being there to pick her up as they walked to the car. Some goon would pick up all her bags. Somehow the trip took more bags each year. But maybe it was also the amount of dinners and cocktail parties she had to attend.

“-and we’ll need to get you tested for tuberculous. But first the party! Oh! I’m just relieved you’re home and safe! I hear France has a wolf problem this time of year-” the rest was drowned out. It was just the normal speech she got every year since she turned eighteen and could take the trip alone.

Instead, she went to her phone and scanned all the messages. Nothing new from her roommate. But there’s a chance that she waiting at the welcome home party with some cute little gift that she bad. Or some flowers. She’d be waiting against some wall, overwhelmed by the crowd gathered around the prodigal daughter. So they’d have to wait until people started to drift off. Then she’d go over to the blushing former virgin and egg her until she finally got mad enough shove the crudely made gift in her arms. Whatever it will be kept from the nosy eyes of her mother, and mother-wanna be. Only her roommate could get her things that money can’t buy.

And then… well, Zareen would need some help getting her things unpacked, and then it would be rude to send the poor girl home so late…

“Zareen! Did you hear me? What are you doing with that thing?”

“I was telling Auntie Hope and Maj that I arrived safely and you’re taking me home. Here, wanna take a picture with me?” She scoot in closer, gave the camera a duck face and snapped the picture with Pearl’s protests, sending it to her missing friend.

“I don’t need to be a meshuga photo.” Now her dress, and pearl necklace had to be fixed. “But I am glad you’re being a responsible, and courteous guest. It’s a single of class you know. How is France?”

“Aw, Pearl, you don’t want to hear about how Auntie Hope, Maj, and your sister are doing?”

“Don’t start with  _ me _ about my sister! Why just the other day she told me that you needed to salt the pasta water with sea flakes! Sea flakes! Everyone knows you use Kosher after you pour it off! I tell you-” Thus she went into the familiar rant about her soft minded sister who stand in France and served Hope. It lasted a good half of the ride home.

The manor was always kept spotless and bright, the use of stone work have the place a cold air. There were a few friends from schools and a couple of her mother’s business partners that felt more like perverted uncles than strangers. Even Pops gave her a good rousing, and a warm welcome back before working on his flask. He would have stayed sober expect he was forbidden to attend parties without his wife, according to his wife anyway.

All the walls were closely inspected, but no flowers were to be found. The party was a smash, even her mother had an extra class of champagne, and patted her daughter’s back before informing her that she only had three weeks to get her car inspected before school started up again. 

It was so touching she briefly wondered if it was the effect of the champagne. As was the custom, she was sent up to bed early with the hopes sleeping off the jet lag would sharpen her memories of the little house outside Paris.

But sleeping wasn’t really what was on Zareen’s mind. A feign yawn sent Pearl away, probably to Ms. Diamond’s office to report on the trip home. Her first moment alone, and she whipped out her phone.

“Where the hell are you? You were suppose to be waiting at the airport in a leather jacket, no shirt and a motorcycle! I purposely didn’t wear panties!”

“Shut up! I-I did go to the airport. Pearl informed me there was a party waiting for you, so I didn’t want to impose.”

“Nosey, smelly Pearl. She checked on me a hundred times during my first night back when it was my first solo. Pft, solo. Mother was there for half of it.”

“Glad to see distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder.”

“No, it makes you harder, and hungrier. I’m in the mood for owl.”

“It’s an endangered species. Aren’t you ready to pass out?”

“Not without your boobs!”

“How do you-?! What?! Who raised you?!”

“I explained that already. Deeply closeted lesbians. Now, pussy please!”

“No! I should sleep, I have plans tomorrow.”

“With pussy?”

“As a fact of fact, yes!” Zandy hung up. Redialing went straight to voicemail.

“Little sneak! I can’t believe it! Zareen is not having any of that!”

*****

The next morning Zareen explained that she had to run errands around town, pictures from the trip, school, and what naught. Pearl was very insistent` that her mother was very disappointed that they couldn’t spend the day together as her schedule was clear. Ms. Diamond never looked up from the stock reports, or put down her coffee.

So Zareen hopped into her car and took the drive out to Zandy’s home town. Summer was in full force. The air was thick with heat, and humidity. Beams from the sun pounded down on everything, singled-minded in their purpose. Sick to Death of her playlists, she game the radio a listen, and was instantly disappointed.

Once in Zandy’s neighborhood, Zareen was reminded that yellow sports cars don’t make the best stealth cars. Thankfully, there was a hill overlooking the cul-de-sac. There she parked and texted a bit. Once it was closer to noon, she called up her grumpy owl.

“What do you want?”

“I’m bird watching, I’ll have you know. I just wanted to see how my sweetie-pie of a not-quite-girlfriend was.”

“I told you I had plans. I’m heading out now, so I can’t indulge you. And do I even want to know what kind of bird you’re watching.”

A slamming sound followed by a squeak indicated an exterior door. Grabbing her binoculars, Zareen started zooming in on a Zandy figure in her yard. The short jogging shorts were a shock, but the glimpse of tank top as it disappeared under a summer wrap.

“Holy shit!”

“What?!” Zandy jumped, bringing her knees together, as though she was uncomfortable with the breeze on them.

“The legs on this bird are unbelievable! But the breasts? Oo, she teased me with a peak of azule! I’ve got to get a better look at that.”

“Zareen!” Zandy cupped the phone, “Are you in a strip club?!”

“I told you I am bird watching. I’ll prove it.” She dropped the binoculars, shrugged off half her shirt, snapped a pic, and sent it. “See?”

“That’s a boob alright. You and a pre-teen are the only ones so proud of so little.” A car door was closed.

“First, you don’t sweep me off my feet to ravish me in an airport bathroom, then you don’t climb up to my bedroom to ravish me all night, instead you inform me you have plans with a pussy that isn’t mine. And now you insult my tits! I have half a mind to go study in a library and not let you ravish me!”

The car beeped to life.

“And since you only have half a mind, I guess it’s a date then. You go study, and I’ll save the whales in a string bikini or something. 

“Now, I’m going to start driving. I’ll text you when I get home. Enjoy the non-fan fiction.”

Beep.

“Little sneak! She’s getting in my cookie jar whether she likes it or not. I haven’t gotten laid in two months!  Damn that sex camel! Sexy camel.” A cheap sexy camel Halloween costume came to mind. “Stupid, sexy Zandy!”

The chase was on! She had to keep the SUV in sight, but just barely. The neighborhood was a nightmare, but it was much easier on the highway, but it wasn’t for long. They turned off into an old  part of town, half decaying stores, half rotting houses, it was a horrible place in the privileged eyes. It’s only saving grace was the overgrown gardens that provided a screen for her. She settled behind a corner, and spied through the vines as the brunette parked behind a car on the curb, got out and waved a greeting to someone.

Zareen shifted. It could be a sibling. That family of her’s could have added to the cult. Even though he was awfully big. The couple walked up to the door and when waved in by an elderly woman babying a cat who looked lazy enough not to care that it’s dignity was shot to hell. Just when she thought she’d be stuck calling Zandy’s family, the mystery guest turned just enough, Zareen jumped out of her seat.

“Kyan?! That rat bastard! What is he doing with my Zandy?! Is that his grandma? Mother?!

“Oh my shit! What if they were dating while I was gone, but Zandy didn’t realize it and now he’s taking her to meet the family? In booty shorts! Or worse!”

It wasn’t a trick. Maybe, Zandy had decided a boyfriend would be easier to explain, and she was keeping things up before working the nerve to break up with Zareen. They hadn’t gotten room assignments yet. Defense and real estate law didn’t have classes anymore. Right before school started would be the perfect time to cut ties.

The steering wheel creaked under protest. 

“No one dumps a Diamond. No one.” It was a repeated vow.   

“No! No!” She slapped herself, then again because she liked it. “Zandy would not go to a partner’s family abode in booty shorts. There has to be a logical explanation. And I will wring one out of that used tampon, Kyan, if I have to blacklist his name from every stinking coffee house from here to Alaska.” She started fixing her hair. “And if that doesn’t work I’ll call Maj and his mates to make sure he gets home safely every night until he cracks!” 

Lipstick was the next order.

“I’m so fuckable.”

She picked up her phone and started scrolling.

“I bet some saucy pics to her would cool her heels. Or heat them up.” She smiled. 

Speaking of heat, after an hour of venting to her best friend, Mali, she was about to have a stroke, when she saw the SUV drive past, and she had to scramble into action.

“Crap, Eagles on the vibrator!”

“What?”

“Zandy’s moving, I got to go!”

“I told you not to! She doesn’t strike me as the type that will appreciate being spied on. I told you get a sexy contract. That way they can’t get mad when to pour hot sauce on their tits.”

“Hooker, I could sugar coat mine, and they wouldn’t get licked.”

“Ouch. I thought you bi girls had it easier. I know if I walked into a bar I could get hit on by dicks.”

“Yeah, well. You underestimate, Zandy.” Zareen was back on the road.

“Double dipper, I think you underestimate her. But I am shocked she’s got your clit on a leash. You’ve got to tell me what it is.”

“I’m sorry, but unless, or until we call it quits, both sets of lips are seal.”

“Oh with that new-?!”

“Later, clam licker!” The call was ended just as the SUV pulled into a fast food joint. Zareen had to jerk off into a deserted parking lot to hide behind a building, then get out to peek over a crumbling staircase. 

Out of the SUV popped Zandy, who was checking her phone, then pulled off her hoodie, shaking it out while Kyan walked over and nervously shifted his weight.

She would have ground her teeth if the price of the dental work wasn’t  embossed on her brain.

“Those bon-bons are mine! I licked them that makes them mine! I should go over there and tell that Bible boot sucker that!” Yes, she know she sounded childish, but there was something about that guy that chafed her ass.  

Hoodie restored, the couple entered the establishment, the panty waste even held open the door.

“It’s like he knows he’s pissing in my tea!”

Half an hour passed. No change.

Zareen was done.

Knowing she liked to throw her clubbing stuff in her trunk, she dug until she found a pair of chunky heels she regretted buying, but it was better than her current sandals. Hoping sweat stains were sexy, she adjusted her bra, pulled down her shirt and prepared to get her man!

Tucked away by a fake fireplace the two were deep in discussion. Thinking someone should get wet, she walked in, ordered a water and clicked her way over. She wanted to see the look on his face first, so she hung back, and leaned purposely on the separating wall  behind Zandy. 

He saw her, but might not have recognized her, as his eyes darted back to his hands out of embarrassment. Zareen did not care. Zareen kept staring him down, sucking on her water like she was at the movies.

Zandy must have noticed something amiss, because she turned around.

“Reenie?!”

“Surprise, baby cakes. You wouldn’t come to me, so I came to you.”

“I told you I had plans today!”

“Is that any way to greet me after I had to swim the ocean to be here?”

“You took a plane!”

“It crashed.”

“It landed two hours late!”

“With flaming engines.”

“Mother Mary almighty!”

“Sandy? I have to get going anyway. I should just leave you be.” Kyan was gathering his tumbling trash.

“Oh please! Stay!” Zareen knocked his tray down and leaned over. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your date.”

“Reenie!”

“I’m fine! I have to help my mother with her cat!” Now Kyan all but bolted, throwing his apologetic gratitude behind him.

“Aw, isn’t that sweet? He helps with his mom’s pussy. While I can’t get any help for mine.”

“You don’t have a cat, Reenie!”

“Who said anything about a cat?”

The brunette picked up the table and threw the garbage away with force, stomping out.

“Where you going, Zandy? I thought we were having a party?”

Zandy was out in the parking lot looking around.

“Where did you park?!”

“Since I doubt a quickie’s in store, I don’t feel like sharing. Why don’t ask your boyfriend for a ride in that second-hand Kia of his?” 

Like a bloodhound, Zandy went straight for closed store.

“I knew it! I thought I saw that gaudy toy! You followed me! What the hell?! Why?!”

“I did not. I was taking a tour of America’s-”

“Cut the crap! Why else would you be here?!”

“ _ We  _ were supposed to do things today! But you had a date with someone else!”

“I thought you would resting and spending time with your family! Like a normal person!”

“I hate my family, and I’m anything but normal! I’m extraordinary!”

“Extraordinary dense!”

The blonde checked her own ass, she knew she had a healthy French Riviera glow, but didn’t know if the chocolates had improved her posterior.

“It’s not that much thicker!”

“You idiot!”

Zandy stormed back to her van.

“You’re the one sneaking around behind my back! Was that his grandmother you met today?!”

“You spied on me! It’s a violation of my privacy!”

“Only because you haven’t violated my privacy!”

A gayly paper package was thrown at her.

“You ass! I was giving you a week to get settled, and then we were going antiquing, school shopping, and diner at that stupid over priced sushi place you like!”

Zandy got into her car, took off her hoodie, pulled back, and rolled down the window in front of Zareen.

“That was Mrs. Bluebell! My sister is sick and couldn’t be with me today to help out with her foster kittens! The lunch was paying him back!” The fur covered hoodie was thrown in Zareen’s face. “You horny, paranoid, immature sodomite! I can’t believe you couldn’t trust me, after you’re the one that spent months in another country with their ex! Don’t bother calling me tonight!” Her tires chewed up and spit out gravel behind her, a few hit Zareen’s cramping toes.

She had done the one thing her mother told her not to.

Zareen had fucked up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reenie is such a kid. I missed her. Now she suffers.   
> Everyone is horny and mad. It's so sad.   
> I feel like I have to apologize for Reenie and Mali. They are horrible.  
> I do apologize for the lack of Maj.  
> Don't piss in someone's tea. This has been a PSA.


	3. Pearl's a THOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl's a Thot, there's a cute puppy, Reenie defines bisexual for you, two Misses are crowned, Zandy learns about furries, and where are everyone's eyes?!

Zareen wasn’t one to mope around, and she certainly didn’t pout. Diamonds don’t pout. Instead, she went to the gym, jogged around the neighborhood, shopped for school, painted the grand saga of working as an intern in a law firm in the French summer heat for the staff, and when she grew absolutely desperate, she helped Pearl in her mother’s office(much to Pearl’s delight.)But she was  _ not _ pouting. At the moment, she was experimenting in a new type of meditation that involved hanging from her bed, and counting the carpet fibers.

Someone knocked. They knocked again.

“Go away! I’m solving cancer!”

“Zareen, really!” Pearl stuck her nose in. “Where ever you got that overly dramatic sense of humor, I shall never, ‘til the sun falls from the sky know! You were brought up to be one of God’s people! Humble, and honest! Yahweh only knows how many nights I’ve lost over you!”

“Did you come in here to yell at me, or did you have a point, Pearl?” She lost count and decided to make shapes from the texture in her ceiling again.

“Your attitude is distracting. Any way, your mother sent me up here to ask if you would like to go out for dinner as a way of rewarding your hard work with though files you helped with.”

“Dinner? Out? With me? Who’s the client?”

“She doesn’t have anyone scheduled until Tuesday.”

“She never goes out. Too expensive.”

“Young lady, don’t question your mother! Now, did you want to go out or not? She’s letting you pick out of the generosity of her heart!” Pearl stomped her foot.

“It’s a trick.”

“Zareen! You mother works hard all day and just wants to make you happy by-”

“Alright! Alright! We’ll go out!” Few things work faster than a Jewish guilt trip.

“Excellent! I’ll inform your mother and get dressed!” Pearl turned on her toes and Zareen screamed into a pillow.

There was a bakery place who was owned by a friend of the family Pearl used to take her when she was a kid to pick up bagels, and lunch type things. Just things to take her mother when Pearl had to join her mother at the office, and Zareen was left in daycare. Now, Zareen was leaning on the edge of her booth, Pearl was cooing over the menu, and Ms. Diamond… Ms. Diamond was in the middle, arms crossed, wearing sunglasses in her shirt pocket tapping her foot and watching the people behind the counter. 

There wasn’t a lot of conversation.  

Three blondes in a booth, and only one having fun.

“Dinah!” Pearl’s shrill voice drew Zareen’s attention. Her mother was on her phone.

“What?”

“We’re at the table! Put that thing away!” she gestured to the youngest.

“The food’s not here, and Franklin had a question about wetland zoning.”

“Honesty! You need to start charging an out of office hours consulting fee.”

“I charge two hundred dollars an hour, people like to think they get more than their money’s worth.”

“Three thirty in the morning is an outrageous hour to call a person!”

“She was in Australia.”

“That’s her problem! After all-” The food finally came.

Zareen poked at her salad.

“I didn’t know you two fought.”

Ms. Diamond was glaring at her roast.

“We don’t fight. Pearl and I have disagreements, and purposeful discussions.”

Pearl’s eyes got misty, and she adjusted herself so somehow she was closer to her boss.

“Really?” Zareen raised an eyebrow. “So you two never fight.”

Pearl shook her head proudly.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Zareen,” Ms. Diamond wearily sighed.

“Why not?”

“Fighting is what normal people do when they want to waste time. Disagreements are bound to happen, but thoughtful discussions will broaden your horizons and deepen your understanding. It’s important to understand the difference between a pedestrian that will waste your time with fighting and an intellect that will improve your mind.” The brisket must not be that bad, for she started eating. Pearl was blushing and excused herself to the restroom. Zareen guessed it was to rub one out in a stall.

“Zareen? Why aren’t you eating?”

After dinner Pearl insisted on taking a walk around the park, and standing close to the towering Diamond to protect her purse. The youngest could feel her brain liquefy and drip out of her ear. All that talk about flowers, and birds. Something needed to break up the boredom.

“Hey, Pearl!” She looked less than pleased to be disrupted. “Is that a new lipstick? It looks good on you.” Now she looked like she could die.

“It’s not new! I-I- my lips are chapped! I couldn’t find my balm!”

“Huh, that’s weird. Seems like you’re always prepared. What’s the name of it?”

“Thotful,” Pearl muttered.

“THOT-Ful?”

“Thoughtful! They just had to change the spelling to fit it on the label!”

“Is that right? What’s the code?”

“Sixty nine!”

Zareen snickered to Pearl’s indignity and an eye roll from her mother.

****

Something had to be done. Something. She just didn’t know what. She had gotten so far as parking at the end of her block. But no further. Not wanting to damage the steering wheel, she pushed back the seat and laid crossed armed glaring at her roof. She didn’t do anything wrong. Diamonds are never wrong. But Zandy was mad. Super mad. That wasn’t good. But a week hadn’t left any closer to an answer. Of course, she could have called Mali, but that felt like admitting fault. 

Times like these she wished she smoked. 

Maybe if she set up something elaborate where she got some buddies to kidnap Zandy, and then they could be tied together, forced to make out, and then-

Knock, knock!

Not bothering to get up, she looked up. It was Zandy. She rolled down the window.

“Sorry. No cash, today. You’ll have to take credit or find someone else.”

“Let me in, you pervert.” 

The door was unlocked, and the brunette piled into the passenger seat with an excited pug.

“Hey, you didn’t say you had a kid. It better be potty trained.”

“She’s my brother’s dog. You’re making my mother nervous. Taking the dog out was the only way I could come out.”

“Well, I’m not taking off my pants.”

“You’re not wearing any.”

Reenie looked down at her shorts.

“Touché. You win this round.”

They fell silent for a moment.

“School starts soon. We better get this over with.” Zandy turned up the air and the puppy played in the blasting air. The blonde was no better off than before, and went back to staring at her roof. Zandy seemed to busy herself petting the pup, and cooling off. 

It felt like they were two cliffs cleaved by a road. Forever close, forever untouching. The passing cars, and winds their only contact. 

Then the puppy broke rank and trotted over Zareen to bathe her face.

“Mutt! You smell like butt!”

“She often licks her butt, and now she licks an ass. Not much of a change. Here, I can take her.” Zandy reached out for the 12 pounds of happy.

“Nah, she’s fine. I heard puppy facials are very popular in Korea.” Using her masterful seduction skills she managed to pet the pup into submission resulting in belly rubs while the puppy made a weak attempt to bite off her attacker. “You fight belly rubs as much as Zandy.”

“But she drools as much as you. Snores almost as much.”

“I don’t snore.”

The brunette whipped out her phone to compose, “Dear Pearl,”

“I have the precious puppy butt, who knows what evil I could do.”

“You’d adopt her and have your maid dress her in cute outfits.”

“They make slutty outfits.”

“She’s a dog!”

“Furries are a thing.”

“Her hair isn’t that furry.”

“I’m never letting you on the internet again,” she cooed at the slobbering smile.

“Is that part of your ranging, insecure, jealousy?”

“I wasn’t-! I’m not-! Girlie, you-! Zareen Diamond doesn’t do jealousy. People are jealous of me.” The puppy helped by mouthing around some fingers, wiggling her rear, and whining.

“I knew it.” Zandy sighed. “Can you, at least, pretend to be me? Me, who is awkward as hell and with you! You! Miss Thang  who whips her bosoms out at the drop of hat, who went to Europe with her ex for months! It was driving me crazy for weeks thinking what you were doing! You said you were going to marry him! I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it! I just had to bury myself in my classes and help out with whatever I could! I _ had  _ to trust you! Mostly I didn’t have a choice. If we can’t trust each other then we don’t even have any business being roommates.”

“That’s not fair. I asked you to come with me several times. We were going to intern in an international law office by day and we’d dine in town, wear high Parian fashion and go to sex clubs at night!” __

“Sex clubs?!”

“Well burlesque shows. Then we could snuggle in my bed with the moon watching us groove to the music played on the streets below.”

“You know I don’t feel right having you pay for me. Nor do I want you to think I’m using you to gain those fancy internships.”

“I know that! At this point, you’d have to be some kind of master manipulator to get me to think about this stuff with you never saying anything. And I cannot be manipulated!” The puppy rolled over and took her leash into her mouth, and growled hoping for a game of tug of war, the blonde was quick to obliged. 

Zandy studied the blonde for a moment.

“I bet your lazy ass couldn’t be bothered with a bra today.”

“I did too! Miss You-Have-To-Wear-All-Your-Clothes-In-Public.”

“Words are cheap. How could anyone tell what’s going on with those bug bites.”

Zareen lifted her shirt and lowered her shorts.

“See? Matching!”

The puppy jumped at this new game and snapped at the cloth to pull it down.

“See? I just got you to show me your intimates even though you woke up this morning vowing I’d have to be on my knees for half an hour before earning back the “privilege.” The easiest people to manipulate are those that think they’re impervious.”

“I shall kidnap this mutt in revenge. It deserves better than to be raised by one so devious. Tricking innocent women into compromising positions. Now I’ll have to be a stripper.” The puppy yipped at the idea. 

“The lawyer stripper. So you charge 6 times the normal rate.”

“No, I make them strip.”

The pug grew anxious and returned to its aunt to stand guard, or nap, whichever came first.    

“You could have told me you had a date with a dusty fart and an old lady.”

“You could have waited until I called you.”

“Bluck! Waiting is for losers! You get nowhere waiting!”

“So do you get your lettuce as a seed?”

“What?”

“Lettuce starts as a seed. You have to be patient with it and let it grow and then you can eat it.”

“Oh! Like when someone plays hard to get and then a week later they jump you asking to be spank!”

“Yes, something like that.”Zandy grumbled through her teeth.

“So, if I had just stayed quiet you would have rented a love motel and brought sexy costumes!”

Windows are lovely support. 

“Why is it always sex with you?”

“You were going to sex someone else!”

“What?! No! God in Heaven!”

It was the wall again. The spoiled brat laid back down and watched the heat stressed lace dance in the breeze.

“Mother said something.”

“That doesn’t go in there?”

“She said that she and Pearl have discussions. They sound like fights to mean. But mother explained that it sharpened her mind to have someone to mentally spar with. Also, Pearl’s a thot now.”

Puppy decided since there wasn’t any walking, snoring was the next best thing.

“We do fight a lot.”

“You fight. You fight with the coffee people, the tv shows, the professors-”

“I get! I’m argumentative! You don’t have to remind me. My dad does that enough.”

“No. You’re passionate. That’s a good thing. You express your passion by analyzing things and pointing out the flaws so that it can be perfect. So why don’t you start with that list you have for me?”

“You never self-reflect, do you?”

“I prefer cameras.”

“What you did was wrong.”

“What  _ you  _ did was wrong!”

“Yes. I made the mistake of thinking you were normal.”

“Yeah, you should really know better.”

“Well, I’m still learning. I thought life and love was very straight forward, but it’s not. Living with you is...queer.”

“It’s called bisexual. Bi, as in by the tits, and the dicks I will lie as sex god supreme.”

“Yup, stuff like that. So in the future I will take your feelings into better account.”

“If I’ll take you back.”

“We broke up?”

“You threw something at me and drove off.”

“And now you’re stalking my street.”

“Intimidating!” Puppy whimpered in her sleep, so Zareen repeated herself in a whisper.

“I’ll warn all the baby bunnies.”

“...I shouldn’t flash my fine ass without warning. It could blind people.”

Zandy replied to a text.

“And I’m sorry you are prejudice against fly-bi people.”

“Months, France, daily with ex. I don’t have anything against bi people, I have nothing for them. It’s just you.”

“You’re always calling me a slut.”

“You are a slut.”

“Yes, I am. But it’s a stereotype to be bi and slutty. You’re not fighting the system.”

“And you’re giving it a hand job.”

“I haven’t had sex in 67 days! No hand jobs, no blow jobs, no rim jobs, no ear jobs!”

“Rim? Ear?”

“I had to wake up at 3 am just to call you! I was so tired I only managed to wank 4 out with a bottle of wine, a shower head, and an ancient porn-o that would only load 3 seconds at time! It was 12 minutes long and I still don’t know where she put the eggplant!”

“Eggplant?” Zandy was growing concerned. 

“You wouldn’t even play with me!”

“You always answer my calls with, I’m nude, and open for you!”

“Sometimes it’s, “I’ve been a bad girl!”

“And then I ask if I need to call the police!”

“And I say slap the cuffs on my bluffs!”

“I don’t know what those are!”

“My nipples! The things you stare at when I’m bouncing on your dick!”

“I stare at more than- Oh dear lord!” Zandy buried her scarlet face in her hands.

“You’re terrible at phone sex. I know you’re with your family and all, but you have a car. Just go in there. You don’t actually have to play peek-a-clit, just say those oh so sexy words of yours. Like, “Reenie, and Oh God, don’t stop, you fucking asshole,” and then someone cums and we all sleep better.”

“I can’t believe this is my life,” she moaned.

“That’s a good one to, but could you say it less like you’re dying?”

“So you’re not going to be a mistrustful ass?”

“Are you to stop treating me like I should like my family or something?”

“Do you always have to be defensive?”

“Answer the question!”

“You answer!”

They glared at each other for a moment.

“Fine!” Both women shouted together. It upset the pup who was busy defending her daddy from the noise monster. It was up to her aunt to soothe her into a better dream.

“So did we make up?”

“We need to have make up sex first. Then it’s official.”

“I’m not doing more than a handshake until you bring back test results.”

“You faith is overwhelming. But, I respect an educated lady who’s picky with their coin purse. Already had the appointment. Pearl makes me bring back a pregnancy test.”

“If only she knew.”

“Her wet dreams probably involve carrying mother’s baby.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’d introduce her female/female sexual relations?”

“Sex? Pearl?! Ew! That’s my, wannabe step-mom you’re talking about! I don’t want to think about that!” Zareen picked up her phone. “Hey, hold the mutt up for a sec?”

“Yeah, okay?” The puppy was picked up with a yawn in protest.

Quick as a flash, the blonde snapped a picture.

“What was that for?!” Zandy hated having her picture taken.

“You bought me a picture frame,” replied Zareen as if it was all the explanation needed.

“For all your travel photos.” Puppies need many belly rubs when they sleep.

“I’ll be back next year. The sight of you forgiving me is far more rare and precious.”

Zandy’s heart betrayed her some more. She hated when Reenie made her love her.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. Why don’t you drop Slobbers at home and we can get something cold?”

“I’m not getting out of the car. I’m hot and sweaty-”

“Wish I had that on recording.”

“Reenie!”

“Again, but moan it in that special way only you can. Now, I’ll wait here, but don’t hurried. You know I like watching your buns in shorts.” She leaned back in her seat.

“You can go ahead and watch, because you’re not touching it!”

Zareen sat back up

“I have permission to booty watch? Where did I put those binoculars?” The glove box was searched while Zandy rolled her eyes and got out.

“Your unbelievable.”

Left alone, Zareen ceased her search, and simply watched. This time the cold that had gripped her heart was replaced by a soft warmth, because she know Zandy would come back to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Months later....  
> "Zandy! I got my test results back! Same as before! Let's go!" The paper work was flashed in Zandy's face before her arm was grabbed.  
> "I'm picking out cereal!"  
> "It can wait!"  
> "It's Sunday! Calm down and go pick out dinner!"   
> Zareen attempted to pick up the brunette.   
> "What are you doing?"  
> She got close to Zandy's face and whispered. "I'm having you for dinner, dessert, a midnight snack, and breakfast. So there's no need for cereal."  
> Cheerios sprang into life to do as they where designed and bopped the horn dog in the head to kill the hard on.  
> "Ow!" Reenie stomped her foot. "You're mean! This is boring! I wanna do stuff!"  
> "The sooner we-"  
> Her shopping cart was stolen and her girlfriend/roommate raced through crowded store.  
> "Maybe I can get her to clean the bathroom."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I got bored and wanted to write this, but this ending seemed meh, and the other one was more interesting. Pick which ever one you like best.


End file.
